Author Archive

Smart Phones Versus Dumb People

According to the New England Journal of Medicine a smart person can achieve more with a dumb phone that and dumb person can achieve with a smart phone. The study recommends that people should  purchase phones that match their IQ. The study estimates that this will save consumers over 1.8 billion dollars a year. Shocking!

Resume Writing Rule – Don’t Use Common Abbreviations and Acronyms

Be careful when using common abbreviations and acronyms. Misuse them and you may come off as a doofus.

For example, in a resume never use LMFAO as it is too casual. Always spell it out completely.

Bad: I have over 25 years experience with iPhone application development, LMFAO!

Good: I have over 25 years experience with iPhone application development, laugh my fucking ass off!

Note: If you are applying for a job in the UK, or one of its former colonies, use the Queen’s English and use arse instead of ass. This will demonstrate your sophistication and your flexibility.

Mayan Cocksucker 2012 Email Virus is a Hoax!!!

If your receive this chain email it is a hoax:


Between now and December 31st, 2011, do not open an email with the subject line “Mayan Cocksucker 2012”!!!!

I checked Snopes and it’s not a hoax, it is for like totally real I swear! My husband is a cop and he even confirmed this is real.

If you open the email it will unleash a virus that will first delete all your registries and then set your C drive on fire! Several people have already been burned alive after their C drive set their entire work station on fire. They would have lived but they tried to check their email just one more time before their computer completely melted and the flames overcame them.

Then after your C drive is completely melted, the ghost of an ancient Mayan Prince will appear, jerk off, and shoot his hot cum all over your keyboard!

Then your computer will send the virus to everyone in your Outlook address book and charge $2012.00 worth of pink and blue Crocs® on your credit card!!!!



We know this is a hoax because it is impossible for your computer to send out emails and charge your credit card after the C drive has melted. Can’t happen.

This Post is Not Factual…It’s Just an Opinion

This post does not contain any substantiated facts. It is totally comprised of opinion and conjecture. And that’s the absolute truth!

The Folly of Tube Socks

Your foot is not shaped like a tube. It has a bend in it that’s called a heel. Would you buy tube shoes? Of course not. Then don’t buy tube socks.

Comment Spam Personality Types – Identifying Blog Comment Spam

Comment spam is like pornography. You know it when you see it.

But it’s not always a black and white situation. Comment spam is a continuum starting from the most pure to the most trashy and depraved. However there are clearly four personality types that dominate the commenting world and what their intentions are is the key factor on whether you give them a big hug or kick their ass to the curb and then set their dazed and bruised body on fire.

I’m speaking metaphorically of course because killing spammers is like totally illegal…for now.

The Babe In The Woods

Real Name + No Hyperlinks + Quality Comment Related to Post

Believe it or not some people have no idea that they can link their name to something. Anything. They have no agenda, nothing to promote, and just want to participate. Bless their little hearts and treat them well.

The SEO Savvy Participator

Mildly Spammy Keyword Name + Hyperlink + Quality Comment Related to Post

These are usually other bloggers who like to comment on other blogs but also appreciate the value of a good link. They will also always leave your comment on their blog in return. These are the “wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more” commenters of the blogging world. They know what they are doing, the blog admin knows what they are doing, and everyone’s cool with it because they don’t abuse the system.

The Clueless Link Whore

Spammy Keyword Name + Hyperlink + Questionable Comment

These are usually “English as a second language” types who are just trying to make a living promoting their own or their clients blogs. Their comments are always short, generic and often complimentary with a faint aroma of broken English. They understand a bit about linking for SEO purposes but no enough to truly understand what they are doing or to have any sense of “enough is enough”. Basically they are like little puppies that keep messing up the house.

The Scorched Earth Spammer

Super Spammy Keyword Name + Hyperlink(s) + Pointless Off  Topic Comment

These are usually SEO “professionals” and they indiscriminately spread their garbage everywhere. The have no problem commenting multiple times on every post on your blog. They’ll stuff their post with twenty links to every one of their own or their clients sites and won’t bother to even write a “cool post” bullshit blurb to help ease the ass rape they’re giving your blog. They think honest work is for suckers and have utmost contempt for anything pure, useful, or decent in this word. The most annoying thing is that it’s probably not even a human doing it to you – it’s one of their bots.

File This Amazing Information Under: The Four Comment Spam Personality Types. An authoritative and totally accurate guide to identifying comment spam.

Saturday Night Really Is Alright for Fighting

Did you know the Saturday night really is alright for fighting? Not in a legal sense, I’m speaking in a  cultural sense of course. Assault is still against the law. It’s just that if one was to engage in fighting, Saturday night would be a good time to schedule those activities as many others are also planning to fight at that time, so you’ll have many willing partners to choose from. Especially if there is easy access to alcohol.

Don’t Freeze Tomatoes!!!

Don’t freeze tomatoes. They will turn to mush when thawed.


European Metric Time Versus American Standard Time

In the United States we us standard time but in Europe they use metric time. There are 100 metric seconds in a metric minute. There are 100 metric minutes in a metric hour. And there are 10 metric hours in a metric day. This is why Europeans take such long lunches. To them it’s only an hour but to use it’s like three hours, so to Americans, European workers seem rather lazy and self indulgent. Especially the French. Though that is not related to their long lunches and is more of an attitude thing.

The Truth About Catfish Whiskers

Most people think catfish sting you with their whiskers. This is not true. They really sting you with a barbed bone in their pectoral fins. Their whiskers are just for looks so people don’t confuse them with carp.